If Your Brother Sins (Matthew 18:15-20)
How can we be humble and childlike but also fulfill God's command to confront sin?
One of the things that have happened in our society is an attitude of, "You do you, and let me do me." This kind of "Don't judge me" attitude has made everyone ultra-sensitive to criticism. It has also allowed sins to go by unchecked. Can you feel that spiraling out of control?
Do you see how this attitude is leading to persistent sin among God's people? We can't stop society's spiral, but we can create a culture where sin doesn't continue to spread. We can create a church family that helps one another achieve greater holiness. But we have to figure this out. How can we be humble children of God while confronting sin? Jesus gives us a process to follow in Matthew 18.
Matthew 18
Thus far in Matthew 18, we have understood that Jesus wants humble disciples. He is not interested in men who want to be the greatest. He didn't come to seek and save the greatest of mankind. He came to seek and save the lost. Last time we saw three warnings in verses 5-14. Those who tempt others to sin were told, "It would be better for them if a millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the depth of the sea." Disciples who give in to sin were told, "Cut off your hand, foot, or eye to stop sinning and avoid hell." Then, Jesus warned them not to despise a humble disciple of Christ. They have an angel in heaven who is bringing their trial before the Father, and their Father wants the humble disciples who are falling into temptation brought back into his fold. He doesn't want any to perish.
This Chapter is all connected. We just read that God wants the erring brother brought back into the fold. If that is done, there will be great rejoicing! But how could we bring the erring back? That's what this text describes. Seeking and saving the lost is not just about going out in society and pulling the lost of the world in. It's also about pulling the erring brother back in.
"Tell Your Brother His Sin"
Matthew 18:15 (ESV) --- 15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
First, notice that Jesus realizes that a brother might sin against his brother. Is this a common occurrence? It shouldn't be too common, but it does happen. How do we respond to a brother sinning against us? Most sins we might overlook. It's not our life's work to nitpick every sin. But how do we handle a sin that shows a serious heart problem? If we overlook that sin, we are guilty of sin as well. We know the right thing to do but fail to do it.
Jesus says, go to your brother and tell him his fault. That's simple, but not easy. Also, he says to tell him in a way that doesn't embarrass him. You get the impression that we are to be considerate and kind. If he sins against you, take him aside and talk to him about his sin. Why would we do that? We are trying to bring an erring brother back.
"Tell One or Two Others"
Matthew 18:16 (ESV) --- 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
In the second verse, he gives directions to the brother, who sins and doesn't listen. This brother keeps doing the sin he did before and refuses to acknowledge his sin and repent. Naturally, Jesus wants us to punch him in the face! No. In this case, Jesus tells us to get one or two others to speak to the brother in sin.
Why would we do that? He says, "That every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses." Notice that there is no retaliation. Jesus calls for a third and fourth opinion. The goal of bringing more people in is so that we can bring the erring brother back.
Consider the wisdom of this action. If you tell one or two spiritual members, you might find someone who can reason with the erring brother better than you. If your brother who sins against you has become stubborn and rebellious, you don't have to face it alone. Your brethren can step in and help you. It may be that your brother will listen to them and come back into the fold with humility.
"Tell The Church"
Matthew 18:17 (ESV) --- 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
This verse moves us from private to public. This sinful brother refuses to change after hearing from two spiritual people, so the church is added. Why? Notice that it says, "If he refuses to listen even to the church." The church is supposed to take this information and try to talk sense into the sinner. They don't tell the church so that the church can withdraw from him. They tell the church so they can reason with him and try to get him to change. The goal is for everyone to reach out to him and bring him back into the fold.
If, after all that, he still doesn't repent, what should they do for this stubborn, rebellious brother? Let him be as a Gentile or tax collector. Now, in those days, Jesus has been reaching out to save the tax collectors and sinners, but here he is pointing out that this rebellious person must be considered as one of the lost. He was our brother, but now he is as much in the world as anyone would be.
"There I Am Among Them"
Matthew 18:18--20 (ESV) --- 18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
The next words out of Jesus' mouth are important. Jesus says that this decision, to let an erring brother go who refuses to repent, has his seal of approval. What is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven, and what is loosed on earth shall be loosed in heaven. If they decide to let the sinful brother be like a Gentile or Tax collector, Jesus and God the Father are with them in that decision. The truth is that God already knew what was ins that person's heart. But how encouraging to hear that Jesus is with them in that decision. Also, if he repents and turns back, Jesus and God are with them as they accept him as a brother.
Why Don't We Do This?
Some things need to be said about this. What will happen if we follow this procedure? Many people might recoil at this. We don't want everyone to be correcting everyone else for their sin. They will be harsh and judgmental, and people will leave. We can't do that because people will leave the church if every member calls out sin. Not if we do it the right way and with the right heart.
It's Not About Retaliation
First, we need to be clear that God is not saying we should be harsh toward sinners. He does not give us the freedom to make up rules and hold people's salvation hostage based on rules we create. Please don't see this as a way to get rid of people we don't like or a way to force people to line up with my opinions. God is trying to bring in those who go astray. This is not about punishment. This is about rescue and maintaining holiness. God makes it clear throughout the New Testament that he does not want us to retaliate or take vengeance on our brother.
Matthew 5:43--45 (ESV) --- 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
Romans 12:17--19 (ESV) --- 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
If we desire to exalt our brother, we can do this in the right way. We must be humble children of God. We must think less of ourselves than others. How would you reprove someone you admire, respect, and look up to?
Is It Worth It?
I'm afraid that many of us are too afraid to hurt feelings, including myself, though I'm getting over it. We don't want to rock the boat. We fear people leaving. Calling someone a Gentile or tax collector is terrifying to us. But we need to understand that holiness and righteousness are for everyone's benefit. We may need to rock the boat lovingly. If we are humble disciples, our goal is not to push our opinion on other people. Our goal is to let God's word change us and everyone around us. If it does not change us, we are all stubborn rebels.
Acts 5:1--11 (ESV) --- 1 But a man named Ananias, with his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property, 2 and with his wife’s knowledge he kept back for himself some of the proceeds and brought only a part of it and laid it at the apostles’ feet. 3 But Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back for yourself part of the proceeds of the land? 4 While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not at your disposal? Why is it that you have contrived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to man but to God.” 5 When Ananias heard these words, he fell down and breathed his last. And great fear came upon all who heard of it. 6 The young men rose and wrapped him up and carried him out and buried him. 7 After an interval of about three hours his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 And Peter said to her, “Tell me whether you sold the land for so much.” And she said, “Yes, for so much.” 9 But Peter said to her, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Behold, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.” 10 Immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. When the young men came in they found her dead, and they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 And great fear came upon the whole church and upon all who heard of these things.
Notice how the apostles did not overlook this sin. This couple is lying to men, and they are lying to God. God doesn't want this to happen. He wants to be feared so that holiness will increase. This example is intended to make us afraid of persisting in sin. We must repent to be saved!
What Would This Look Like?
What would this attitude and culture look like in our congregation? It starts with me and my heart. I can't think, "You do you, and I will do me." I don't want to be criticized, but I need it. I would rather receive unjustified criticism than miss out on correction when I am persisting in sin. My wife is my best critic, but if you see that I am doing something sinful, would you please tell me? You don't have to get a committee together to reveal my sin to me. Please don't tell everyone else about my sin. Just come and share my sin with me so I can either accept it and change or state my case for why I don't see that as a sin. Then, we will bring other spiritual men in, and if I'm wrong, I want to do God's will. If I have gone astray, I need to be brought back into the fold.
Would you follow that process for me? Is there a single person here who would object to the process that our Lord describes? Please raise your hand high so we can know that you are stubborn and rebellious. Okay, so if no hands are raised, we have permission to go to our brother or sister alone and tell them their sin. We do not have permission to share their sin with a whole group of people. That is called gossip, and that needs to be addressed because you are a reviler. We can't have hateful and critical people throughout the congregation. We must stop that. If you do that, you need correction.
Holiness
Our desire is for God to be glorified in our brethren, and the buck stops with you and me each doing what God has called us to do. We must hold each other accountable. Consider what would happen if no one ever tells the brother his sin. Consider what would happen if the rebellious sinner is not considered a Gentile and a Tax Collector. If you have a parent who is all talk and no action, the children will do whatever they want to do. Rebellion and evil will spread.
1 Corinthians 5:6--13 (ESV) --- 6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? 7 Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. 9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people--- 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler---not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”
Confronting sin is about seeking the lost, but it is also about purging the evil from your midst. In Corinth, there was a great wickedness. A man married his stepmother, and they were rejoicing in their mercy. But Paul says that is an egregious sin that cannot be overlooked. They must not associate with a brother who is living a rebellious life. Instead, they have to judge the brethren who are rebelling and "purge them from their midst." Now, that sounds harsh. That sounds like punishment, but it isn't. It is an act of love. The congregation desires to restore a brother who is completely lost in sin.
What Do We Hope To See?
The purpose we must always have in our minds is to gain our brother. In the case of the Corinthians, we see the rest of the story in 2 Corinthians. The news that they were accepting sin instead of addressing it resulted in godly grief. The response of a brother who is sinning against us must not be, "I'm sorry." We are a society that loves to say, "I'm sorry," and act like everything is fixed. The sinner's actions must join these words to action. The person who has sinned must show that he truly is sorry. He should put barriers up and obstacles up so that the temptation for him to commit that sin is taken away. He should show gratitude toward the one who points out his sin, not malice!
2 Corinthians 7:10--12 (ESV) --- 10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 11 For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. 12 So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God.
The whole congregation was grieved over their lack of diligence in the case of an erring brother. It wasn't just worldly grief. It was godly grief that leads to repentance. They didn't just say, "I'm sorry Paul," and let the sin continue. They didn't make excuses and try to justify why, in this case, they are right to let the man be a part of the group. That would lead to spiritual death! (V. 10) This is the same idea that John was talking about.
1 John 5:14--18 (ESV) --- 14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. 16 If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life---to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. 17 All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death. 18 We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him.
When people refuse to listen and refuse to change, there can be no restoration. Their sin is leading them to spiritual death. They are lost and need further correction.
The Corinthians changed the way they were handling the situation. They sought to clear themselves and become the holy people God has called them to be. This is what we want to see in every individual who has sinned and is living a rebellious life. This is what we want to see in every member who has overlooked the sins of others.
Humble Confrontation
The message of Matthew 18 is that we have to love our brother and sister enough to seek their lost soul. Notice the words in verse 15.
Matthew 18:15 (ESV) --- 15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Do you hear who this starts with? It doesn't start with a committee. We don't go to many people and get their opinion before we talk to our brother alone. How bold is this? If we do this the wrong way, we could harm our relationship. If we are harsh or judgmental, we could be the ones in error. But Jesus wants us to love our brother enough to go to him in private to discuss the issue you see. Matthew 7 gives us instructions to pull the log out of our eye first. But here, he tells us to get that splinter out of our neighbor's eye.
This doesn't start with gossip because the goal is not to make ourselves feel better. A humble disciple wants to make sure that his brother is on the right track. Listen to this advice from scripture.
Leviticus 19:17 (ESV) --- 17 “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.
Ecclesiastes 7:5 (ESV) --- 5 It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.
We need to pray for discretion and wisdom as we do this, but we need to do this out of a strong desire to be holy and have a holy church for the Lord. Many of us would rather lose a brother than speak up and tell them what they are doing wrong. Most of us would lack tact because we are so out of practice speaking the truth in love. But God calls us to do this so he can rejoice with us over a brother who is restored!
Proverbs 27:6 (ESV) --- 6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
I have seen this process completely backward too many times. Too often, I have watched brethren tell other brethren about the sin committed against them. It is a vicious cycle that destroys those who are erring. It's easier to complain about someone else than to talk to them about it. Especially if the people we complain to will back us up and make us feel better about ourselves.
I have also seen sin wholly overlooked. That leads to an unholy group where sin runs amok. Maybe there is a fear of hurt feelings, but can we not be gentle and kind as we correct one another? Maybe there is a log in our eye, but can we not address the log then pull out the splinter? Maybe there is a resistance to treating a brother like a Gentile, but he is already lost in God's sight.
Conclusion
Our aim must be to be humble disciples of Christ. As humble disciples, we are called to avoid temptations and pick up those who fall with love. We are also called to prevent more from falling. If we have 100 sheep and one goes astray, will we not seek to bring it back into the fold with love and compassion? If we say nothing and do nothing, more sheep might go astray. Eventually, we might be drawn away as well. Listen to the words of God to those who have gone astray.
Jeremiah 3:12--15 (ESV) --- 12 Go, and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, “ ‘Return, faithless Israel, declares the Lord. I will not look on you in anger, for I am merciful, declares the Lord; I will not be angry forever. 13 Only acknowledge your guilt, that you rebelled against the Lord your God and scattered your favors among foreigners under every green tree, and that you have not obeyed my voice, declares the Lord. 14 Return, O faithless children, declares the Lord; for I am your master; I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion. 15 “ ‘And I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding.
Jeremiah 3:22--23 (ESV) --- 22 “Return, O faithless sons; I will heal your faithlessness.” “Behold, we come to you, for you are the Lord our God. 23 Truly the hills are a delusion, the orgies on the mountains. Truly in the Lord our God is the salvation of Israel.